Have you ever gotten to a point in your life where to take a minute to look at your life and you can't help but think "how did my life get this out of control?"

Here I am at 26 and desperately wanting a "do-over" I have been many places and experienced many things in my 26 years and it seems like everything I ever learned along the way I have just completely thrown out the window in the last 4 months.

I have walked away from people that meant the world to me. I have clung to people that simply act like children. I have met people and just been so consumed in the bullshit that I have completely done wrong by them.

People that have been absolutely wonderful to me and have shown me a different view of the world and of life... and I have acted like a fool.

It took some harsh words from a couple of different people to finally wake my ass up. But trust me... I'm wide awake!

I truly am on the verge of starting a completely new life. New job... no relationship to distract me... old friends back in my life that know the REAL me... developing a relationship with my family that never existed before... taking strides to complete my life's biggest accomplishment and actually planning to do it!

I know I have been wrong... and I have been a jerk... but I have always cared. That never went away... it just didn't always happen the way it should.

Ok, my dad is making dinner for his "girls" tonight. So I have to go pick up some clam chowder.

All I ask to anyone who reads this.. because if you are, then you probably play an active role in my life... please don't let me fuck up again. I'll need some help through all of this... not much because its all on me... but some. At the very least.. support. Ok... off into the cold.